Sunday, November 22, 2009

I Can't Sleep

I can't sleep. It's rare that I can't sleep, but tonight my mind won't turn off. Earlier tonight, I played a big concert in Seattle. I wore a few different hats throughout the day. In the afternoon, I rushed to finish painting a large backdrop before rushing to the venue to set it up. Then set up for the music, sound check and getting in the mindset to perform. Perform. Then, switch to socializing mode. Then take down everything, pack up and go home. I had some macaroni, went on Facebook and then to bed. But after everything my mind wont shut off.


So, I was thinking about life, my life, or anyone's life and how it's always changing. I suppose some people do what they can to avoid change, though it comes anyway. I know an older man who has lived in the same small town his whole life. He has seen his share of changes. Marrying his wife, having children, raising a family, deciding to get divorced. I wonder though, how his heart and mind have changed over time.

Lately, I've seen changes around me. They come in small ways and quickly. Part of this is because I travel quite a bit and I'm often saying hello and goodbye to friends. There are constants though. For me they are called Tommy and Bruce, Ministry, Garage Voice, my family, my God.

I don't really know what I'm getting at. I'm just writing. I'll keep writing.

It's a strange feeling when you set your heart on something, time grows but then the day comes when you realize that it's time to move on and life must change again.

And then things keep changing. For better or worse.


  1. After reading this I just want to give you a big hug. You wrote this post really late! I know what it is like when you want to sleep, but your mind is awake... I hope you were able to get some sleep after writing...

    I used to think I had a difficult time with change, but then I've had a lot of change happen in the last few years, so I've had to learn to just deal with it. (but, it doesn't mean I dont resist it at first.. it always makes me a little sad.)

    I think change effects different people depending on how much they are willing to give (or take). Some people are also just really set in their ways... One must just decide to go with it, to mix it up, to be out there, and take a chance at life!

    Change CAN be marvelous (it can also be scary, but sometimes that can be part of the adventure, too)!

    (hope I didnt babble too much)

  2. oy! i know bout that change. maybe not at the rate you're used nor the same variables but we all deal quite differently. and noticing if it's positive or negative is tricky sometimes.
    what is it about youth that welcomes the unkown so much more freely?
    many of us wish some things would hurry up and change and others stand still and we forget what we've learned in the interim . i've seen more change in my life this year than any other. and all the while i can only hope that it leads to something/somewhere better for me and my purpose here. that it will fill me with purpose and reasons to be more pleasant.